


K is Kill in the alphabet of jokes

by bdamanlover4ever



Series: Hunter x Twisted [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - High School, Car or Train accidents, Friendship/Love, Gon told himself Killua is legit so happy he could die....., Hurts So Good, I Made Myself Cry, If I can't be happy no one can, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, M/M, Secret Relationship, Suicide Attempt, Talking To Dead People, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 14:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17061434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bdamanlover4ever/pseuds/bdamanlover4ever
Summary: Why didn't anyone ever tell him that words can kill people? Why didn't anyone warn him that harmless text messages have consequences?  Why...why did Killua leave him on read?Gon kept looking at their last text to each other,‘Okay. You act like I fear death. Death can fuck my asshole. I’d kill myself right here, I’d die for you. I’d die trying to get to you.’‘Lol.’They were so happy. Killua was joking around. People joke about dying all the time... it always didn't mean they were really gonna kill themselves?





	K is Kill in the alphabet of jokes

A dinging notification came that lit up Gon’s whole entire face. There was a wonderful five word sentence that made his heart skip a beat. ‘ _I’ll see at 7, Love!’_ The words seemed so unrealistic, he had to do a double take. ‘ _Love_ ’ was the first word that stood out followed by, ‘ _I’ll see you.’_

 

The word ' _see_ ' as in face to face, as in eye to eye, as in my mouth will be on your mouth at 7pm.

 

Gon bashfully looked up, tossing his black locks from his face to get a view of the time. The clock on the wall read the same time as on his phone. It was 6:30pm. In the afternoon, when the sun had sank far below the horizon and darkness was sweeping over the earth.

 

 _‘For real?’_ Gon texted back in disbelief, ‘ _My Aunt Mito made apple pie, baked chicken and couscous. There might be enough for one more.’_

 

Soon as he pressed send, a huge ‘ **R’** with a single check slid in next to the message. _He_ was watching. _He_ was waiting. _He_ wanted to ensure Gon knew he’d invited himself over.

 

‘ _Good. I’m coming over first chance I get to dip. You’re my only happiness. I hate this hell hole. Any second longer here and I’ll kill myself.’_

 

‘ _Fuck your parents.’_

 

_‘I’m gonna fucking kill them then kill myself.’_

 

_‘Lol, no. If you kill them then everything will be good.’_

 

_‘F U C K KiL L’_

 

Gon snorted, finding it slightly amusing. Usually the boy went over the deep end all the time when it came to stuff. He’d over exaggerate, make his point and announce it to everyone. Granted, he had all right to be mad. Pissed off and-

 

Another message came so quickly, ‘ _I’m gonna fucking kill myself. This is too much, I swear to God. I just wanna see you. It’s so fucked up! I have to sneak out my damn house to see you.’_

 

Tapping his thumb on the screen, carefully Gon selected two emojis, the tongue one and the droplets of water. Then he wrote, ‘ _It will be worth it.’_ For extra touch he threw in a heart, before pressing send.

 

Carelessly, he yawned. Gon rolling his shoulders as he stretched, rising to his feet. He walked out of his room, phone in hand as he announced, “Aunt Mito! Killua is coming over for dinner.”

 

“Killua?” The woman called out from the kitchen. She walked out into the living room with a hand on her hip, “The infamous Killua Zoldyck you constantly ramble on about. I’m finally going to get the privilege to meet him in the flesh.”

 

“Eh?” Gon scratched at his neck, steadily becoming self-aware of any marks Killua could have left on his skin from their last encounter. “Ye-yeah.. That’s him.” He gave a nervous shrug, unable to write off his talk.

 

“What time is he arriving?” Mito questioned, she stole a glance back at the timer counting down on the stove.

 

“Well...” Gon chirped happily. A huge smile rested on his face as he combed his fingers through his hair staring at the doorway dreamily. Helplessly with his voice laced with love he uttered, “He could be here any minute now.”

 

His Aunt chuckled, the older omega rubbing her nephew’s shoulder. Gon’s face pressed against the glass. Wide brown eyes staring out the window as his heart hammered with anticipation.

 

“Is this alpha special to you, Gon?”

 

“Killua is my _best_ friend.”

 

The woman mirrored a smile on the boy. Not exactly an all knowing smile, but a warm one that was ready to greet Killua with open arms. She pulled away, as the stove timer went off loudly. Under her breath muttering, “That’s the apple pie.” Smoothing out her apron, she made her way over to the kitchen.

 

Dreamily, Gon raised his nose in the air, swooning to the mouth watering smell of caramel apples and lightly toasted sugar. The omega slumped back, sinking into the couch. His mind buzzing with eagerness from the good news he received five minutes ago.

 

He unlocked his phone texting Killua back some advice, ‘ _Hey the quickest way to my house is across the railroad tracks. Be sure to take that left...if you haven’t took the right already. Either way will get you here but if you go right, you go across the square.’_

 

A few minutes later came the message and a video. The video was Killua throwing up a peace sign and hopping across railroad tracks. It was a large station where many tracks overlap too close to the road. The message said, ‘ _Look at all the risks I’d take for you, Gon.’_

 

Gon snapped a picture of his knee cap littered with band-aids, then texted back, ‘ _Ya-huh. So just ignore the large fancy fence your parents have around the house.’_

 

_‘Nooo! I’ll kiss all those cuts when I get there!’_

 

_‘So sweet. But really get off the track. It’s not worth it.’_

 

_‘Why? I’d feel a train coming. I’m no pansy.’_

 

_‘Really? Then go prove it by dancing in traffic on your way over here.’_

 

_‘Okay. You act like I fear death. Death can fuck my asshole. I’d kill myself right here, I’d die for you. I’d die trying to get to you.’_

 

‘ _Lol.’_

 

Gon let out a satisfied hum. He was relieved Killua was on his way, and still acting like his usually goofy self. Running his finger across his phone screen he eagerly awaited a message as he pressed his face into the pillow. Lowly humming, “Killua.” One day if he dared to say it he’d whisper, “ _My alpha_.” But he couldn’t do that for reasons beyond himself. Just putting the word, ‘ _my’_ in front of everything made it so powerful. It made it sexy.

 

Mentally he began arranging different forms of that in his mind. All the titles he could give Killua and put the word ‘ _my_ ’ to make it better. His heart fluttered as a free hand clenched at the pillow, giving it a squeeze as he impatiently awaited another message.

 

He waited for another message.

 

He waited.

 

Perplexed, he just figured Killua was actually making that dumb video. He had to give the teen props for trying. Gon snickered to himself, ready to see what nonsense Killua came up with.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Gon. Your food is gonna get cold.” His aunt called from the table. She had three plates set out all of them loaded on with food.

 

Those three plates had a person assigned to them. Mito, Gon, and Killua. There were like invisible name tags that shouldn’t be broken.

 

A rotten feeling filled up in Gon, a funny disgusting aching that made his heart throb. He struggled to withhold his emotions as a choked out, “I..I can’t. I have to wait. I have to wait for Killua.”

 

On the inside it felt like his omega was going crazy. It was raging, in a complete freak out way howling, “ _Alpha! Alpha! Where is he? Alpha no lie. Alpha good. WHERE THE HELL IS HE?”_ In a painful way he sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, trying to recall the taste of Killua’s lips against his own.

 

The woman sighed, at the sight of her nephew curled up in a ball on the sofa. The glow of his smart phone illuminating his face as he stared at the screen.

 

He checked to see the ‘ **R** ’ beside the message.

 

**Read.**

 

Gon was left on read.

 

“Maybe Killua won’t make it, sweety. It’s been a whole hour.” Mito attempted to comfort him.

 

“But… he…” Gon could barely hold himself together from breaking out in sobs and screaming. His jaw trembled as he lost hold of his bottom lip, his whole entire body began shaking as he whimpered to himself sadly. “I..saw.. He. He was….”

 

“He was what, Gon?”

 

At the sudden demand for information Gon grew numb. Losing the will to speak correctly on his own endeavours that might have thrust his alpha into a bad situation. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to tell her? Did he have to tell her?

 

It was a joke.

 

Nervously, Gon fumbled with his phone, shoving it into the back pocket of his booty shorts. He closed his eyes and laid out on the sofa. He’d wait for Killua loyally until he came. He’d do that.

 

“ _Killua will come. Killua will come. Killua loves Gon!"_   His omega side urged anxiously.

 

“Nothing. I… I’m just going to wait for him. You can eat without me, I’ll wa-” Gon said lowly. At the word, ‘ _wait_ ’ his voice cracked slightly. It seemed to be slowly cracking along with the belief that Killua would come. Deep down he was steadily shoving his true feelings away, he’d been doing that for so long it seemed like second nature. All he could do was repeat an empty hearted, “Wait…”

 

* * *

 

A ray of sunlight slipped past the windows and onto Gon’s face. There was the sound of the TV blasting the news and the smell of coffee in the air. All the ruckus was driving him crazy as Gon shifted around on the couch. The omega slowly stirring awake, only to feel water rolling down the sides of his face.

 

Confused a grunt slipped off his tongue, “Huh?” Somber brown eyes greeted the new day as salty tears slipped out of them. “Why am I crying?”

 

There was no answer, of course. At least not directly was Gon informed of a true reason. Blankly he gazed off into space trying to wrap his head around everything. There was a aching feeling in his chest, making his head spin.

 

“Aunt Mito.” Gon called out softly, his eyebrows knitting together as he sat up.

 

The woman came in wearing slippers and a robe. Her hair all rolled up as she set a steaming hot cup of coffee in front of Gon. There was an unreadable expression her face, one of sorrow, mixed with lost. She calmly sat down a steaming hot warm cup of coffee on the table, in front of her nephew. There was a sharp breath taken, then nothing but jabber from the TV filled the air.

 

The boy looked at her, then back to the coffee, only to look back at her. Looping around he did a double take, repeating his actions only to land on the coffee this time. Turning away from the coffee suddenly felt too risk, too dangerous, too foolish. If he said or did something now it might be stupid or come off as pushy.

 

Mito had her eyes glued to his. She didn’t try to cast out any fear of the truth that lingered in his eyes. “Oh..okay.. You can go.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as if something had broken her heart to the core.

 

“Thanks.” Gon began to say, then he licked his lips. The heavy atmosphere in the air was gnawing at him. He almost mistakenly took her invitation as a good thing, but his mind once more buzzed him with the current circumstance. He figured, an over reaction was at least better than no reaction at all. “Did.. did he ever show up?”

 

For a quick second his aunt sucked on her teeth, her eye avoiding brown ones pleading for something to satisfy their thirst for a joyful answer. Awkwardly the woman shifted on her heels, blinking her eyes rapidly. She seemed to suddenly want to focus on anything but that innocent look dreamily seeking hope. It took courage for her lips to compress and speak, “No. There was... an accident. Poor Killua....he had an accident, you see.” There was something in the way she said  _accident_ that just didn't fit. It didn't sound right. 

 

“Oh.” Gon said. That was it. How Gon felt right now and how he could convey his emotions. ‘ _Oh._ ’ It was just, ‘ _Oh._ ’ It was the not surprised, ‘O _h!_ ’ it was the very tragic lost for words, ‘ _Oh_ …..’ The no one can ever help you, because everything done was probably your fault, ‘ _Oh.’_

 

Heavy breath caressing the sides of his face as Mito struggles to find words. She kept taking deep breaths, then letting them out slowly. Pain riddles her face like she’s giving birth. _She is giving birth to a sentence._ It hurts her.

 

Gon is well aware of her pain and he seeks a solution. A quick C-section that will cut the words out of her throat and let all the cries erupt. He pats the space on the sofa beside him.

 

Mito sits down. She sits and doesn’t say anything. Calmly, she reaches over to squeeze Gon’s knee. It was a friendly loving gesture. There are bags under her eyes and a few wrinkles over her eyelids, as the sun hits her hair there are a few strands of gray. Oddly, for the first time Gon begins to notice how stress has aged her beyond her years.

 

“Is he…?” Gon halts himself. He was unsure if he could say the word himself, the thought of such a thing happening had always been a joke.

 

IT WAS A GODDAMN JOKE!

 

And instantly Gon hated how his aunt just looked at him. He hated how her eyes met his and how they seemed to sink even more into her skin. He hated her silence. He hated how he knew she was going to make him say it!

 

“ _Please! Please don’t make me say it.”_ He kept trying to non-verbally communicate. He wanted her to bring up the topic. The idea made him sick and a part of him couldn't come to terms with ' _why'._ There were unanswered questions that probably best remained a mystery. 

 

“Who really was he, Gon?” Mito repeated as if she was once more sucked into this mysterious person her nephew always talked up.

 

“I told you his name.”

 

“No.. who was he to _you._ ”

 

“I already sai-”

 

“GON!” The woman shouted loudly. Her words breaking his self confidence to zero, as she shifted on the sofa uncomfortably. Mito was going off, “WHO IS...I KNOW! BUT HE.. HE! DEAR GOD! LORD, HIS BODY...EVERYTHING...THE TEXT MESSAGES!”

 

“What? What?” Gon was getting frantic. Taking in breathes more quickly, rocking back and forth as his eyes trembled in their socket. He was feeding off her actions copying them, because it was impossible for him to channel how he truly felt on the inside. _He didn't know how to save a life. He didn't know if he could have saved a life._  It was bursting clutter of anxiety exploding out of him. He was yelling because his aunt was yelling. “WHAT ABOUT THEM?! HOW DO THEY HAVE KILLUA’S PHONE?”

 

“Not, they….. _his_ parents!”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I said.. _They_ have his phone.”

 

“Why do you think…?” Mito’s words seemed to have gotten caught in her throat because she stopped short abruptly. She closed her eyes taking a few deep breaths, her chest going up and down as she moved her hand to her lap. “I’m sorry.”

 

Such a carefree two word statement that was supposed to be apologetic but really had no deep meaning. It was unclear what she was apologizing for. Was it for yelling at him? Or was it because Killua was no longer on this earth? Both assumptions were very valid.

 

“Is he like mommy?”

 

“Do you want to see him, Gon?”

 

“Is he dead?”

 

“You want to see him?”

 

In a pissed off way Gon shouted, “Answer me! IS HE ALIVE?” He glared at her harshly. His eyes cutting dangers and his sorrow filled face warning of a flood of tears ready to pour out.

 

Mito stood up, “I’m going to start the car. Finish your coffee.”

 

* * *

 

The body was hardly recognizable, if it wasn’t for the scent clearly screaming, ‘ _Killua!’_ then no one would really be the wiser. Flesh was dripping off and bloody wounds were sewed up, stitches riddled in random places, and swollen cheeks with severe head trauma.

 

“It’s not fair.” Gon uttered softly as he hovered over his lover’s body. A ghostly look struct his face as his mind came to terms that this happened because of _him._ He had done this.

 

The hospital room was chilly, and it felt so wrong to have Killua only covered by the thin paper grown. He was just laying there helplessly unable to move, his face halfway covered by a breathing machine.

 

“You’re the first one to come see him.” A gruff voice said, “Well the first one who’s not family.” The doctor confessed, “At first I thought you might be his brother, but you don’t smell like a Zoldyck.”

 

“His family came by?”

 

“Only his mother is here. She just wanted to affirm it was really him. Then she authorized some surges to be done, but I don’t think it will much help.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“The only way he’ll survive is if he had scented an omega.”

 

Narrowing his brown eyes, Gon glared at Killua’s body. “Why..why were you so scared of your parents? They don’t give a shit about you. Especially now while you’re on your deathbed.” Gon swallowed dryly, “You should have just scented me you, stubborn….” He grit his teeth, then paused taking a few things into consideration. Maybe that’s why his aunt had asked about his relationship to Killua. Was it because…?

 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” The doctor nodded his head solemnly, allowing Gon to quietly grieve over life. Life was too short already and it was sad to see someone die so young. It was way too common.

 

“Don’t apologize for something that’s not your fault!” Gon snapped. He felt agitated all of a sudden, he was upset and his omega was frazzled. Tears swelled up in his eyes as he tried his best to act hard. He wouldn’t break down like this, he had to be cheerful, get a positive outlook on everything.

 

Killua was on life support which meant that he wasn’t going to die long as the machines kept on doing their job.

 

A sour faced woman pushed open the door, loudly her heels clattered against the floor. She removed her phone from her ear and informed the doctor, “We decided to take him off life support.”

 

“What THE FUCK?!” Gon exploded, his eye flickering with a sudden spark of rebellion. His world slowly began to get distorted as figures seemed to double and switched around with destruction.

 

He whipped his head around to meet eye to eye with the woman. The tall skinny lady cranked her neck up almost as if repulsed by the vulgar language. Shaking her head, “I assume you’re who my no good son was befriending.... by text.” She inspected him, dashing her eyes up and down to get a good look at Gon in his body. “You’re not a bad choice. You’re not a total disappointment.” There was this slowness in the way she talked that screamed sacrament.

 

The omega knew better than to talk right now. He held his breath, mentally wishing the woman away.

 

She remained, her makeup covered face bringing a splash of color in the all white room. She took a few more steps drawing closer to Gon. “Zoldycks aren’t weak.” There was hatred in her eyes, because no doubted she blamed Gon for her son’s condition. “I couldn’t even bring his younger siblings here, because I’d be damned if I let them see their big brother in such a helpless state.”

 

“I don’t think he’s helpless. He’s trying to stay alive.” Gon challenged. The facts sounded correctly lined up to him. Yet the woman didn’t buy it.

 

The ends of her mouth curved, being pulled by gravity as she tossed her hair, “What does it matter? Even if he recovers, he’ll never truly be the same. So he’s a waste of money. A waste of time.” She smacked the end call button her phone, returning to address the doctor. “You can take him off life support. Our family doesn’t need to support a weak link...a lost cause.”

 

“What’s the point of insurance?”

 

“You’re a smart boy. You read, Killua’s messages. He didn’t even want to live.”

 

“It’s a...dang it! Saying that crap is just a joke! People just be like… they say it because edgy meme lords…. Look, he wasn’t being serious!” Gon really hoped that Killua was never being serious. He had known about the other time Killua tried to kill himself. Gon had saved Killua once before and if it was up to him, he’d do it again.

 

_Gon would save Killua until Killua learned to love himself._

 

Bitterly, Killua’s mother clicked her tongue in disgust. Her face so out of place and stoic at a sad time like this. Snapping her fingers she commanded, “You heard me doctor. I’ll sign the papers.” She simply turned around and walked out the room.

 

Rage engulfed Gon as he bellowed, “Killua deserved better! You all have insurance, what do you mean you won’t keep him on life support?! Some people wish they could afford such good health insurance like you people have!” He made sure to spit out, ‘ _you people’_ so that she would hear how much of a rich arrogant asshole she was being. How much of an ass their whole entire family was being by wrongly treating Killua.

 

The doctor sighed, “Look, kid… You heard the woman so can you..?”

 

“No!” Gon busted out. A few sobs wrecked his sentence as he babbled, “Please..is there.. I! Anything, I can do...He never scented or marked me. But we spent a few heats together.”

 

“Well.. does your omega recognize him as…?” The doctor began to mark down stuff on his tablet.

 

Boldly, the black haired male decided to break a forbidden boundary between them. “Yes, Killua is _my_ alpha.” That was the first time that Gon had ever said those words out loud. He really wished that they had been declared under different circumstances.

 

“Well if he’s taken off life support later today.. Then, maybe you can come around… Okay, it’s rare that an unmarked omega can feel a bond to their alpha. So maybe you two have something special.” A light smile came on the doctor’s face. “Alpha’s can usually find a will to pull through with their significant other around. How old are you kid?”

 

“Sixteen.”

 

“Ah, you’re the same age. Yep, if your parents ju-”

 

“My mom is dead and my dad is a crack addict....so I guess he’s dead too.”

 

Automatically, the doctor tensed up as if the atmosphere in the room became tough and unbearable. Slowly after gathering up all thoughts a correction came, “My mistake. Your guardian can come and sign some papers.”

 

Gon fought back every urge to have a melt down in the middle of the hospital room. His aunt was waiting for him outside...how was he supposed to stay and scent Killua? What would Killua do if he found out?

 

“ _It doesn’t matter if alpha finds out. Remember.....alpha will never be the same again._ ” His omega whimpered lightly.

 

“Never again..” Gon murmured, running his fingers through Killua’s hair. The once silky white strands were now tangled and tightly woven together. That didn’t matter though, Gon would take care of Killua. He’d fix Killua, until Killua was able to care for himself again. “I’ll never take you for granted again.”

 

Gon had been so zoned out in trying to untangle Killua’s hair, he didn’t even notice the doctor was done until he heard the door clam shut. That was like life closing its door of happiness on them. It wasn’t fair! None of this would have happened if Killua.......if Killua’s parents....... If they just would have… If he would have..

 

Taking his phone out his pocket, Gon read the last message he’d sent Killua: _‘Lol.’_

 

Automatically his first thought was who writes, ‘ _Lol_ ’ to someone who just said they want to kill themselves. What type of sick monster laughs out loud at the thought of death? Especially at the thought of a best friend dying?

 

How heartless was he? Did Killua commit suicide because he thought no one cared? Was everything Killua said about loving Gon a lie? If you love someone you don’t go kill yourself! When you love someone you live with them and find happiness with them!

 

Angrily, Gon grit his teeth as he read Killua’s text: ‘ _I’ll see at 7, Love!’_ It was so happy and cheerful it made him sick to his stomach.

 

More hot tears began falling down his face, as he buried his head in Killua’s neck. Gon screamed against the body, “You FUCKING LIAR! YOU FUCKING FUCK TWO FACE LIAR! YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT!” His heart throbbed as he sniffled, clinging to the paper hospital gown. “I ha-” He burst into a hot, blubbering, snot nosed mess unable to bring himself to say, ‘ _hate’_ he didn't hate Killua. He could never hate Killua. Even when there was no hope left for Killua. Bitterly he spat, “I love you! I _loved_ you.”

 

The only response to his declaration was the steady beeping of Killua’s heart monitor. Gon could listen to the simple tune like it was angels singing because he was living for the sound of the beat. _His alpha’s heartbeat._

 

Pathetically, Gon delivered a peck onto Killua’s cold cracked pink lips. But real life wasn't like a Disney movie, and no magical kiss was going to awake Killua from a coma. Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending....do they? Life doesn't have a happy ending.

 

_If the moon ceases to exist, there would be no light to cast out the darkness in the night. There would be nothing to control the tides. But the sun would still rise. Stars take forever to die. But the moon was just a planet. Everyone figured they could lose a planet, just look at how they treated Pluto._

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own HxH. Because just imagine in that one movie where Killua tries to kills himself, I'd....well ya'll can configure what would happen. But this book was based off that part.
> 
> Hate me, Love me, Shame me. Either way I hope you have a very happy day and better luck than me! My [ tumblr](https://sunshine-boruto.tumblr.com/) Thanks for reading! ~Mel


End file.
